I should warn you
I go to sleep
I know you don't
Know what I mean
Yet
I get upset or happy
I go to sleep

Nothing hurts when
I go to sleep
But I'm not tired
I'm not tired

I know it seems that I don't care
But something in me does I swear
I don't remember all last year
I left you awake to cry the tears

While I was dreaming in the streams
Flowing between the shores
Of joy and sadness
I'm drowning
Save me
Wake me up

I should warn you
I go to sleep
You won't know when I go to sleep
Because I'm not tired
I'm not tired
I just sleep

Does that mean what I think it means? Goodnight sweet baby the world more for you than it seems, goodnight, goodnight. Let the moonlight take the lid off your dreams. Now that I'm sleeping (thank you D) at night I can fill up my head with dreams instead of doubt which leads to nightmare and disaster during the day.

I cannot seem to get my car past emissions. Any ideas? My plates are expired and if I get pulled over driving it (which is what it needs) I'm sure I'd get fucked with a ticket or towed. Damned.

My doctor has me on a 6 week waiting list for a drug treatment facility. I've been clean since I saw my counselor. The thing that I'm most proud of is that I used to use everyday, and it's been "a while" since I've used regularly. There is a 90 day and a 30 day treatment available. I have to go to orientation and to counselling to see which one I qualify for. My psychologist didn't check me in to the hospital when I saw him a couple of weeks ago. I've been telling doctors and psychs the truth lately.

It's hard changing the bad and the ugly within me. The ugly is really ugly and the beauty isn't noticeable or believable when there are so many flaws that keep me sad, down, depressed, and away from friends and family.

I don't know how to fix things with my mom and sis. My mom assumes that I'm still using and my sis just doesn't speak to me. I love her so much, so I almost don't want to talk to her out of fear that I would rub shit into her newer, clearer world. Funny that we've traded spaces and that I look up to her when she's my little sis. I always have. She was the rebel all her life and seemed to get her pain and misery out before her 30s. I started mine in my late 20s.