I am getting things straightened up in my life. My life is on the up again after many months of being with a leach. I got myself in trouble by living with people who were in it to help themselves as much as possible and the rest of the people be damned.After today, I hope that I don't have to think, talk, hear about, etc. call Frank. He owes me $400 for desk and $700 for food, phone, and lodging. The $400 he has promised, but I assume he'll start using drugs again and I'll never see that.
What's even more uneasy is a note that he left on my computer explaining that if he can't have me no one can. It scared me. He has made threats and today I was walking down the street and this guy starts following me. I'm thinking, "I'm being paranoid," until he says "I'd watch both of your back because he knows where your new buddy works, and everyone knows you're a predictable piece of shit."
So, I get home and give the beer to my sweets and he notices that they are small and not the right number....well that's because I was freaked out. I wasn't going to say anything because I was a wussy. I'm sorry. Fuck.
My life is getting sorted out and it's nice to have someone in my life that is patient and wants to see my potential. I am hopeful for things to get better, and they have already started on their way up.
I didn't think he could love me. I didn't believe it. Just because I have the longing for him to love me doesn't me that he would and Frank told me that I'm unloveable and that sweets never could. He was wrong. And I am in love.
I am done sabotaging my life and I hope my former acquaintances grow up and find happiness. I do.
Sweets:
My heart is filling
instead of empty feeling
My head is thinking live and look up
instead of death and throwing up
It's not much of a poem but Goddamned it means a lot to me.
And....
IN A SENSE I'M INNOCENT CUZ I MADE THAT WAY
