Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a slow torch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning

So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
Promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep

It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep
There's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray

CHORUS
Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here no there

Can you help me remember how to smile
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded
Life's mystery seems so faded

I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

Everything is cut and dry
Day and night, earth and sky
Somehow I just don't believe it

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughin' at the rain
Little out of touch, little insane
Just easier than dealing with the pain

Runaway train never comin' back
Runaway train tearin' up the track
Runaway train burnin' in my veins
Runaway but it always seems the same

-----------
Wow, I've been listening to my old tapes and have found Soul Asylum again.

I now realize how very depressed I am. I nearly had a heart attack when David Jr. called and told me Big Baby was missing. I thought my life was over. I went overboard and reacted too quickly to news of my cat being "missing," according to David. I called a friend and chewed him out when he seemed quite indifferent to my situation--I even got paranoid and thought he did it to hurt me. How do you apologize for being retarded?

The house that I thought was rented fell through today, and I do not want to tell Sim's folks. I was so excited and called them about the 2-year, amazing couple contract. Fuck. One more failure.

My mind is being consumed with things that I should see someone about. Maybe I should tell someone that I'm close to. I'm embarrassed to tell my Dad that my car was vandalized, my second job is making me crazier--not wealthier, and I'm scared to teach (and have not a way to get there). I am completely relying on Simon's generousity right now. God, I wish I saw him and his family in this light back when we were dating. They have decourum and the word hard,have brains, hearts, and generousity.

Actually, I'm worried about Simon's mental health; I'm afraid that I am hurting him by staying in his life by renting out houses and living in his while he was away. I don't like the stress that I have added to his life. I am ashamed of all the mean/bad/abnormalities I've added to his world. Before I throw a party in his name and condemn myself, I know that we both have our good and bad sides. I'm just glad to see his good one. I hope to help him in the future as well. So there. Not all bad, not all good.

Well, I've digressed off of of the songs I started out dwelling about.