My mother found more "weird" moles on her body. I don't know what to tell her when she calls me crying. I just don't know. What would I do without my mother? She is one of my best friends, and she has always been there and knows me like no one else will. There has never been a time when she's not been there and it'll kill me to lose her. This is the part where I beg God to heal her and make her better.

I've been picking up the drinking lately. I've been pretty lushy lately, but I don't have a job and I'm not hurting anyone. Chet doesn't like it when I drink alone. I've been drinking with Brad. I met him at Seth and Jeff's party a couple of months ago. He makes me laugh :) Laughing is good. Tom was funny last night. I don't know why Viki's name makes him dump beer back into the pitcher. That made me feel so bad. I didn't mean to upset him. I like both Viki and Tom.

I think I might go to the grand canyon tomorrow to say goodbye to my friend Rob and spend the night with Suzanne. I don't know if this is such a good idea. I'm having such a hard time right now losing my two closest friends. Jenn and Berna are leaving to go to other schools and do other things. I feel lost right now. Michael and I are still not talking, and the few times I talked to him since early July felt cold. Doing the right thing kills me sometimes. Michael fucking pisses me off. I shouldn't have told him to fuck off at the time that I did, but he fucked up a number of relationships. I couldn't let myself get close to Andrew or Suzanne because he kept coming back into my life whenever he thought I was too happy with someone else. ARRRRR Fuck him! I am ranting because I miss him and am so angry at him at the same time. I don't know if I am better off with or without him. I would never, never, never let him touch me again. Never. And I can't wait to see the next woman he gets. I am guessing that he'll go after Rosie. She'll let him walk all over her, so that will be a great match. Boy, I am full of angst.

I miss my family. My baby sister is in Indiana and I want to visit with her. My brother and his kids are there too, and I just want to sit and play with Sarah before she grows up too soon. She's the cutest niece in the world. I miss my mother in Florida. I miss my Dad. I'm glad David is there for him. It makes me happy.

School is going to be starting and I need another job. I am out of funding. I don't have cash; I do have cultural capital, but I don't think my apartment complex will accept that as payment. I am poor. I like having money to buy food and clothing (especially clothing).