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I miss you Big Baby
2010-09-24 @ 9:31 a.m.

I hope that someday I get to see my cat in heaven. I sometimes believe in God, and God even makes sense in certain situations....hummingbirds flying, fire fighters saving children from fires, people banding together for a common good, those sorts of things.

I'm confused about where God is when there is child molestation in the world, or murders, or rape. It's confusing.

Anyhow back to my cat....he's been gone since 2006, and it's hard to get over him. How long will it take my heart to heal?

I cannot have children, and he was a child. I cannot believe anything in this world can/could make me as happy as my little boy (cat).

I've been thinking of him more and more since Dennis is talking about getting another dog or cat. I just don't think I am up to it. I just cannot ever give my heart to another pet. I don't know. Also, my sister's cat had to be put to sleep, and she was close to it like I was close to my Big Baby. I feel for her.

It sucks we aren't speaking, not that my words could help her in anyway. Nothing helped me and nothing people say ever takes any of the pain away.

I cry instantly when I think about how much I miss Big Baby. I don't know how to ever get over it.

I think that if my cat had not passed, I would not have needed so badly cover my feelings up with heroin.

All over a cat? Fuck yes.

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