One of the problems I was ashamed to admit is that I had mental problems that did not stem from drugs....as they started long before I tried any. I'll never know if there was a "cause" and I don't have any blame, but it was good to talk to someone who knows what I have gone through. I actually made up stories of using more drugs than I did to explain my problems! I fear starting a new journal even mentioning some of my old problems....because who would believe that a person can change.

I am in love with life now. I love the possibilities. I want to open myself up to hotmechanic.

I need to reinvent myself again so I like being me. I need a job, need to be a better friend to people, need to TRY and believe that I am worthy of love. :)