Everyday not using drugs and alcohol is easier. I'm using other coping strategies. I plan to get into my art again. It's hard being so broke. I'm glad that I have good parents that love me. My mom is harsh and doesn't know me, but I guess I pushed her away and she's hurt. I think she feels betrayed and afraid that I'd hurt her. I guess maybe that is where all my own fear comes from. She is aways assuming the worst and afraid of something.
My Dad is tired of trying to guess what the best thing to do with me is. I'm going to try to be a good daughter. And good friend. And a good person. I care about people so much and do not always do the right things because of fear or because I'm afraid of letting people down. I should have saved my money instead of lending him money; it was all on my credit card anyhow and now I owe a lot of money and all the stress I have is worse than just letting him borrow my car BUT then I wouldn't have had a car. I didn't know what to do.
I should have understood boundaries better and had more self esteem. I thought lending him the money for a car, rent, food, etc., would help him and he'd love me.
I am worthy of love.
