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Hmmm. Oh.
2006-07-22 @ 12:40 a.m.
Carissa just left, and she looks fantastic! She purchased a treadmill and goes to the gym. I think I need to start going to the gym or something. I've taken up eating chocolate and chips for dinner, drinking coffee with cream, and eating suckers with gum in the middle as snacks. It's catching up with me! Agh! She brought me white roses and made me feel so much better. I love her. She's one of my best friends in the world, but she probably doesn't realize it since I don't call her or see her often.
I know that things will get better, and this is an opportunity for change. I could really get depressed, but I am going to try to just think fondly about my cat and realize he made my life so much better for the years he was with me. I with with him while he died, and it's so hard to think that I made the decision to have him put to sleep. That's too much power and pressure for a mommy. I love him and will miss him.
I have mixed emotions about so many things, but it's normal I think. One of my acquaintances at work was just made single. I don't know if he was the dumper or the dumpee--really either one is horrible. But he understood when I said that I can work as much as they want/need now since I have no one to go home to. My cat used to greet me at the door and be happy to see me, and that is why I didn't work so much and am so fucking poor. Oh, I'm down $5000+ for the month! Fun! I made $1200 after taxes, so if I don't pay rent, buy food, buy anything I will be able to pay that bill off in 5 months. Or I can work overtime and kill myself trying to pay it off sooner. Fuck not having health insurance for myself, my cat, and my car.
I finished reading Nick Hornby's A Long Way Down. It's an easy read and quite interesting in places. I can't get the word "tosser" out of my head because one of the characters, Jess, uses it A LOT. It's about 4 people who meet at the Topper building rooftop about to commit suicide on New Year's Eve. It's about their plight after they decide not to kill themselves. The ending isn't American, and it shouldn't be. All the other books he writes has that sort of bla (English) ending. When an English movie or book ends, I usually sigh and go "oh." It's not a "that was amazing" or "that sucks," but it's an "oh." But that is life, isn't it.
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