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Ben Gay, psychologist?
2005-10-08 @ 12:15 p.m.
I'm sad to see Simon and my relationship further crumble to not being able to be kind for any length of time. It sucks. I know that he has stressful weeks and puts a lot on his plate, but I cannot sit around being shit on anymore. Now, I know if Carissa told me that her partner for five years has been driving her anxiety up for year, I would tell her to move, get some help, or something. I am not sure what I'm doing, and when I read about Buddism I believe that this is a reality--one reality that I see--a reality that maybe no one else can see--and that if I cannot be at peace, I should change my reality. He also told us not to want. I don't want to be very poor. I guess that's a want. My stomach is sick with illusions, and I'll never know what is true. I'm so hurt, and I'm afraid to tell anyone. I will not hurt myself again by cutting, strangulation, hitting my body, or drinking until death. I have that pain in my heart that turns into bile and that bile makes me bleed. I cannot afford to fix a hole in my stomach over and over. I'm fucking poor, but I shouldn't care. I'm looking up secular humanism. Budda might be too strict for me, but I believe had the right idea.Smile Bile Hole Hate Heart Hanging Help Yelp Shove Dove Above Love He's home again; I feel suicidal again. I've let this happen. No more of this pain. I hurt now and search for a bottle of Ben Gay to heal my sick sores.
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