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WWBS?
2005-08-28 @ 11:45 a.m.
On 6-14-01 I seem to write about how unrepayable Simon's forgiveness was. Fuck. I took acid with my friend Ben. Simon came and picked me up 3 hours into it and yelled for a couple of hours destroying my trip AND TOTALLY FUCKING ME UP for years. I'm still scared sometimes. I change my mind. Thanks wasn't necessary, and also, he was only mad so he could conceal that he was cheating with Erin M. Gavin, who was my officemate at ASU; I suspect she's back in San Diego or Hawaii. What a bitch. WHY DIDN'T HE BREAK IT OFF THEN??? I had money, my own apartment, and I was doing well in school. I cannot believe he had that much power over me. A man. Ugh! I wish I would have pulled a crazy on them back them. Where was rage, anger, and hate back then? I found out they were in MY apartment together doing WHATEVER on my couch and WHATEVER in my bed on 9/11.
STUPIDMOTHERFUCKINGBITCHSLUTWITHCUMONHERFACE.
As for Simon, I live with him. Whenever he says a harsh or unkind word to me, I want to smash in his fucking skull with reminders that he messed me up. So I blame you Simon. I am angry that you read my diary when it wasn't your business. Stop playing your stupid games. And your fucking sister can kiss my ass. Or your judging family for that matter.
I'm still mad that I didn't get invited for Christmas after I was suicidal. Was being home by myself good for me? NO, YOUSTUPIDFUCKINGPEOPLE. It wasn't. It's the highest day of suicide of the whole year. If only I could have killed myself on the 22nd of December and had my dead body packed and wrapped so they could open it for their "big" present. Yeah, that might have ruined YOURGODDAMNEDCHRISTMASMEAL AND PRESENTOPENINGWHILEGETTINGDRUNK ORDEAL.
Man, I have anger issues.
He should NOT have read my diary.
I am angry like a crocodile or like a termite eating the wood in your house down.
Glad to have art tomorrow. I need to calm myself down. I don't want or need this rage. It's unnecessary. What would the buddha say? That I was NOT very enlightened.
I'm trying.
Oh, no more illegal drugs for me. That started with Simon and ended with me.
I am stronger than pouting and holding a grudge. I am kind and generous and loving. And I am a good friend, try to do good, and strive to be better. I will read more about Karma today.
It must be myself that I am mad at for letting things get out of hand and for putting out karma that came back to me. I am learning; be patient.
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