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new shiny CD
2005-06-19 @ 4:10 p.m.
Haven't written for a while because I was petitioned to the psych hospital. I didn't speak, I was filled with anger but no one sees inside of me, so they let me out. Since I've been out I've been going to art class (which I love), reading "The Curious Incident of the dog in the Night-Time" by Mark Haddon. READ THIS BOOK. (if anyone is reading this), going to Home Depot, and running errands for Simon.
Warning for readers: you can stop reading here because the rest is a diatribe about how my wittle, poor, life is shit, disorganized, untrusting and self-sabotaging life.
We've Tim from England visiting for a couple of weeks. Simon has many tasks and errands and favors he would like me to do. I had planned for peace these next two weeks. Simon won't be here with Tim much, and that leaves me feeling anxiety and guilt. I need to my lesson plans done.
Really, Simon is driving me nuts right now. I have such tension in my shoulders. He purchased Jet for me, and I did want the CD, and I do like it. I don't know why I have such negative feelings towards him. I am manic-ridden. Happy-Sad Angry-Nice Can't sleep-Sleep too much. I know it is me. I'm the one who's considered ill. I feel like I want to explode.
Dallas is feeling better after his battle with pneumonia, and he hasn't smoked in two weeks. Sometimes he makes me angry by his apathy; but I know that is me sometimes too. It was stupid to move BFE and too far away from his daughters.
OH NO, this is one of those days where I hate the world! I feel overwhelmed. It would be courtious to picking after oneself, guest or not, owner of the house or not. I'm not a maid. Doesn't anyone see that doing meaningless tasks like throwing away food wrappers, the little aluminum containers that hold his medicine for acid reflex, wipe his piss of the toilet, floor, wall, etc, and maybe lend a hand.
I need to have more boundaries.
As my entry stands now, all I did was bitch and rag on Simon. I am sorry for that. Tim is cool, Dallas is a good friend, Simon is ????. Yesterday he asked me if I wanted to get married because he couldn't being with another woman....not quite true--cheating with Erin (amongth other things). I do NOT understand men. I sabotage everything and learn nothing every time.
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