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witchy woman
2004-12-09 @ 3:20 p.m.
Watching Practical Magical just made me cry--crying and hoping for that kind of love and magical life. In the end, Sara gets the man of her dreams, friends, and has an amazing family. I cannot help but hope for that; however, I don't think it's in the cards for me. I think I need too much from someone--the fairy tale. 2 children, a lovely family, good forgiving friends, a man who can't stand how much he loves me and for me to be so much in love it hurts. Is this only in the movies. If it is, what is it worth to live? I sabotage every good relationship. I push people aside, and I hang about with folks who don't truly know me. I do have Carissa, who is so very dear to me. I don't trust my heart right now--don't know how to. I will end up fucking everything up over and over. I see the pattern, and yet I do not change fast enough. I am broken; anyone have some supersonic superglue? I am an object, and I object to being true to myself and being open with the people I love.
Oh, my period hasn't come. I think I've lost too much weight again. I am a loser. I cause nothing but trouble. I have a hard time living with the rules. I have so much built inside of me that is so ready to topple over.
Fuck. Get over yourself Feli.
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